Solanum melongena and I love you

Good Morning my little aubergine friend. I want to thank you for the time you have been sharing with me this hot and sunny Summer.

Although your father and I decided long ago that we were done having children. We had moved from Apgar scores to Abecrombie in the blink of an eye. Yet the yearning to give it another go became too much and there you are. You adorable little guinea squash of ours.

I want to thank you for the pleasure you give as I go out to visit you and water you in the afternoon sun.


You have never asked for money or a ride to the mall. You have never flushed your cell phone down the toilet or in a fit of rage yelled the "f" word at your fellow Burpee Hybrids. You don't sneak off to friend's houses to dye your hair pink and then cry for 2 days when it turns a dull puce after swimming in your friend's pool. Never once, Baba Ganoush, have you dressed up our cat in American Girl doll clothes or demanded we start calling you Mrs Justin Beiber. I have never once seen your thong purposely sticking out of your yoga pants nor have I seen your butt hanging out of your Hollister cutoff micromini super short shorts.

My little Moussaka, you look solemn and studious yet I often wonder if when you grow bigger only to spend hours trying to hack into the cable box to unlock "Teen Mom" and "The Jersey Shore" all the while ignoring homework until minutes before school. Could you text FML (meaning " 'F' My Life) to your friends when I refuse to purchase a $150 extension for your hair? Will you change your status to "My MOM is a BEAST!!!" on Facebook?

I think not Eggplant....I think not.....

As you grow big and plump E.P. always know that you were wanted and your father and I love you. We enjoy your quiet nature and your positive disposition. Soon the time will come that we will be moving you out of your warm, earthy homestead and into our place. Be kind to your 2 sisters, for they know not what they do. Stay away from the puce haired one with the soggy phone and don't respond when the shorter one approaches you with lipstick, a cat and duct tape.


Love Mama Ratatoulle

I wonder.....

What kind of effects this writer's strike is going to have.....

Baby Boom? Yes, I admit it, I have been bored enough... however, getting pregnant is not an option with the hubster any longer...

Reading...This has been the first time since I joined my book club, that I don't get the "what the hell are they talking about look on my face," and then try to change the subject.

Laundry....I find myself doing laundry at night instead of watching TV.

Calling my girlfriends and saying nothing..."what's up...nothing...yeah me too..."

Blogging...yes I have been blogging more haven't I?

Becoming obsessed with Britney Spears....well when wasn't I

~T

Time for Some Romance and Memories

No this isn't me..... I could never go strapless

Yahoo has posted their list of sappiest love songs of all times

You're The Inspiration - Chicago
The One That You Love - Air Supply
Suddenly - Billy Ocean
Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
Hello - Lionel Richie
(Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan Adams
Separate Lives - Phil Collins
Hold On To The Nights - Richard Marx
Tonight, I Celebrate My Love - Peabo Bryson
At This Moment - Billy Vera
Always - Atlantic Starr
Islands In The Stream - Dolly Parton
I Honestly Love You - Olivia Newton-John
Almost Paradise - Ann Wilson & Mike Reno
I Want To Know What Love Is - Foreigner
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You - Michael Bolton
Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Poison
Feels Like Heaven - Peter Cetera
I Go Crazy - Paul Davis
I Swear - All-4-One
Everytime You Go Away - Paul Young
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship
The Lady In Red - Chris De Burgh
Always And Forever - Heatwave
I'll Always Love You - Taylor Dayne
The Power Of Love - Celine Dion
I Need Love - LL Cool J
All Cried Out - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
Arthur's Theme - Christopher Cross
Lovin' You - Minnie Riperton
Could It Be Magic - Barry Manilow
All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo
Faithfully - Journey

What do I think? GOOD STUFF!! Some of these bring back some interesting memories. The one that comes to mind is Celine Dion The Power of Love. I am fairly certain that one of my roomates in college LOVED LOVED LOVED that one, however, to properly "date" myself, it was the original Laura Brannigan version. Another College favorite of another roomate of mine was Every Rose has its Thorn. I had a flashback when I thought of that song of me running out into the hallway pumped with Rolling Rock and Yagermeister and trying to smash my roomate's radio. However, in her defense, I had a far worse song. Are you ready, its pretty obscure, but just so bad its good. It was a song called When I'm with you by Sherriff. And let me tell YOU, I belted that song out like you would not believe when I was going through some horrific breakup or another. I would like to officially and publically apologize to everyone at O'Connor Hall for that.

...Um...Anyway....

I can never resist when my friends send me opportunities to talk about myself

Lets hear from you

1. If you could change one thing about your appearance (lets not include weight) what would it be?


2. What would be something that you have never learned to do but would like to (juggling, ice skating etc....)


3. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would it be?


4. If you could go on a date with any famous person living or dead who would it be?


5. Name a day in your life that you would like to re-live keeping in mind you couldn't change anything....


6. Do you like your twenties or thirties better?


7. What is your favorite line or scene in a movie or book?


8. If you had to pick an actress to play you in a movie who would it be?


9. If you had to indulge yourself for 1 day what would you do?


10. Is there a particular song that reminds you of your child (lullabye, song that was popular when he/she was born)
    

Ashley Tisdale's nose, Chupacabra and "Keepin it Real" on Rona Lane

What do all these things have in common....

Things that I thought about at 12:00 am, 1:00 am, 2:00 am this morning as my 6 year old tossed and turned beside me.

Ashley Tisdale's nose....now this is hard core news truly. Thank goodness Yahoo had it as a top story, otherwise, I never would have known. SHARPAY HAS A NEW NOSE, NEWS AT 11!!!

"She wants fabulous,

That is her simple request,

All things fabulous,

Bigger and better and best, (in this case slightly smaller)

She needs something inspiring to help her get along,

She needs a little fabulous is that so wrong?"

What is a Chupacabra? Ask my daughter Cal. Its some kind of a bloodsucking Mexican monster that attacks goats. Featured on the discovery channel. And bad mommy T didn't catch her watching it until it was tooooooo late. Got a late night visit from her and have had Chupacabra conversations every 1/2 hour or so for the past 3 days. I finally told her that Big Foot could kick his @ss so not to worry..

"Mummy who is Big Foot"

The big dope in the white jacket below

The likeness is incredible

Which leads me to the next subject. "Keepin it Real" a phrase I stole from fellow blogger Alicia's unsuspecting husband. Between rants and fussin in her office (she has the patience of a saint), she shares her fun weekend experiences "keepin it real" with her neighbors, watching the Patriots with their projector, lighting a firepit and having a good ole time....... I realized, that blogger Kristine has come a long way to keep my hood "Real" as her husband has spent most of the fall and winter building a rink in the yard for the kids to skate. The picture above is last years rink (I am the albino sasquatch). This year, the rink comes with a carport turned home for little wanderers with indoor wood stove, TV and Adirondack chairs......to quote Sharpay "FABULOUS."

~T

Its a Sign from Julia!!!!

Ok back to what I blogged about this morning....Julia Roberts....

I flicked on the TV and Notting Hill is on...its a sign....

Julia Roberts and I are soul sisters for the following reasons:

1) We both have curly hair (twins I tell ya twins!!)

2) We both straighten our hair (can you believe it????)

3)We both have given birth!!! (coincidence??? I think not)

4) We both wear wigs and pretend to be prostitutes (uncanny)

(just to qualify that statement, I wasn't ACTUALLY dressed as a prostitute, but I did have wig with bangs and did some pretty sleezy things at the party)

5) We were both married to Lyle Lovett..

Wait a minute...no, but ...I once listened to Lyle Lovett on the radio by accident

6) We both hang out with people named George, yup the custodial engineer at my company is named George!!!

7) We both like the movie Steel Magnolias (I mean she must like that movie right???) and I once thought I was having a diabetic seizure after eating too many mentos and I have been known to drool orange juice out of my mouth.... (remember that scene???)

8) We both have strange families

9) I once made my friend to Karoke when she didn't want to and neither of us have a chance in hell of hooking up with Rupert Everett

10)We both hate Rachel Ray.... Well I am not sure if Julia does for certain, but come on, I'll bet she hates Rachel Ray.

Oh and lastly # 11!!!

We both have 3 best friends who drink cosmopolitans and hang out in New York City and share our lives and their names are Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha!!! YES the similarities are striking... We both have been intimate with people named Mr Big (or well perhaps that is the pet name of something I keep in my nightstand..)

Wait a minute.. that's Carrie Bradshaw...ummm

Maybe she's my soul sister... umm

Sorry never mind

~T

Useless, yet interesting facts for a Wednesday

"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand .. And "lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". ?

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

~T

Cal's Non Sequitor of the Day

Picture the scene....

Its a cool rainy morning in Massachusetts, I am warm and snuggled under my covers....

"Mum, mumma...mum"(Oh God)

"yes that's me...mumma"

"What do fish use for blankets when they get cold?" (Where am I?)

"ummmm, seaweed?"

"Mum" (ok its Wednesday and my name is Trish...starting to wake)

"If throwing up makes your hurt, why did God give us uvulas?"

"......what?"

"Uvulas mumma Uvulas!!!" (what is a uvula, what day is it, who is this kid in my bed?)

"uhhh, hmmm, lets see....no...sorry Cal I have no idea"

(long pause)

"Can we have mashed potatoes for breakfast?"

"sorry Cal, we don't have enough time for that this morning"

...and off she went to start her day....

I never thought these would be the hard issues I would be tackling.... I thought the questions like "where do babies come from," "what happens after you die?" etc.....

I am somewhat prepared for those questions

~T

Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?" Fran Lebowitz,

Not to Sound Negative or Anything.....but

Can I just vent?

The following blog entry may contain language not suitable for young children...

Rachel Ray can kiss my ass. I can't do anything in my life in 30 minutes except nuke leftovers or go through the McDonald's drivethru. Also, when was the last time you gave your children "Beet Risotto?" and how did they react? I know, I know maybe these 30 minute meals are not geared towards people with kids. But, if you didn't have kids why would you be trying to cook something in 30 minutes? Take your time...relax you have no one pulling on your leg to fix their polly pocket outfit...

My period. Okay, now that we have a more sterile environment in the house, (hubster had the big V 4 years ago) I no longer take the birth control pill. Why oh why am I getting periods that are lasting hmmm 7 days with 3 of them crampy and heavy? If I am going to show physical atributes of my teenage years, can't it be firm breasts, nice hair or a flat stomach???

Suite Life of Zach and Cody (which is playing in the other room while I type this). Those 2 kids are obnoxious and not not not cute....and the mom...ok..stop the singing and dancing. If you were talented you wouldn't be on a Disney kids show.

New England weather. Ah yes, the leaves are turning, mums in the hood and football on the TV time for some sweaters...uh oohh oh oh...nope...its freakin 91 degrees out with high humidity.

Math homework....why they hell can't kids just "carry" when adding numbers. Why do I have to learn math again just to teach my children... I was dumb enough the first time. Now I am just tired, old and dumb.

Barry Bonds record home run ball...never gave two shits about it...never will...

New fall trends...

Flat Shoes (you know the ballet type) and skinny jeans. Thank goodness...just what I was waiting for...now I can look like the hippopautomus in Fantasia. Skinny jeans...fabulous...Jessica Simpson look out here I come... when are stirrup pants coming back??

~T

Cal's Non Sequitor of the Day

Ok, 7:46 am on a Sunday morning....week 3 of no coffee...
Mike downstairs reading the paper
Me lying in bed trying to cope with school starting on Tuesday....




Cal "Can I crawl in bed with you"

"sure"

"Mom, mumma, mumma, mom"

"yes Cal, lying right here" (why did I have that 4th margarita last night?)

"On the moon you walk like you are underwater right...?"

"yes, you are soooo smart Cal"

"Mom, mumma...."


"yes, still here" (do I still have Benadryl in my medicine cabinet?)


"Did you know that you have to approach penguins very quietly" (Cal's obsession with penguins kicking in again)

"uh hmmmm" (that's it, how could one coffee hurt today)

"Mom"

"yes lovey"

"Is Mia (cat) righty or lefty?"

"uhhhhh, can you ask dad?"
Ok, everyone out of bed, I am up for the day....and very confused......

~T

ps

How do octopuss' go to the bathroom? (that was the last question I heard as I was making a mad dash for my coffee)

Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky. ~Fran Lebowitz

Ins and Outs of my twenties and thirties

As I approach the end of my thirties, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Most of it from behind the wheel of my minivan as I try desperately to go from Point A to Point B in my day, which seems to be getting more and more challenging as my children get older.

So I mentally compiled a list while driving back from Target (had to pick up a new helmet for bike day at camp tomorrow for Cal).

Out (twenties)..........................In (thirties)
Brad Pitt ................................Clive Owen
Birth Control Sponge ............Vasectomy

Keg Parties.............................Women's Novelties Parties

Big Hair ........................Big Vehicles to drive kids around

Getting stoned ...................Getting Spooned

Rolling Rock Beer.................Blueberry Martinis

Pick up bars............................Picking up Barbies

Uncomfortable heels................Crocs

Belinda Carlisle.....................Brandi Carlile *highly recommended

Acting like kid.......................Being with my kids

Life is Good

~T

Sorry Kristine...had to do this to you











"Amazing things happen every moment, the trick is learning to recognize them, Be Amazed!."

Cal's non sequitur of the day.....

When Cal is either excited or over-tired she launches into conversations that blow my mind...


This morning was no different:

"Mom, mumma, mom"
"Yes Cal, I am right here in the front of the van...I hear ya"
"Where does sound come from"
(ooooh she got me on that one)
"Uhhh, well, you mean, like your voice...that would come from your vocal cords"
(why oh why did I quit coffee this week)
"What do mice use for umbrellas"
"hmmm probably a leaf, or perhaps they would hide under a rock"
(my 9 year old is now looking annoyed at the both of us)
"I love marshmallows"
"me too Cal...me too"

When we got to camp, Cat (9 year old) lept out of the minivan for help....











Come to think of it, my life is one big non sequitur.

~T

Humor helps us to think out of the box. The average child laughs about 400 times per day, the average adult laughs only 15 times per day. What happened to the other 385 laughs?

Cold medicine taking over...day 2

My husband (who I have known for 17 years) and I often talk about how boys in highschool never get laid and lose all their girls to older guys.


This is why....


I love these kids, go to you tube and look for anything by Parkez17

Do men really do this?

During certain times of the evening while I am watching TV (usually during the Red Sox-go figure?) I have noticed a commercial that really makes me laugh....Flomax. The product is for men with enlarged prostates. Now I am not saying its a bad product or that I am not sympathetic for men who are experiencing urinary symptoms due to an enlarged prostate....but...



Do older men really hang out together that much? Do they all get together with their enlarged prostate on board and go canoeing or biking with other guys? Is this an attempt to tap into the idea that 60 is the new 40 or the new trend of "mancations" and bonding with fellow guys? Is it hip to have an enlarged prostate?



Or what about the Levitra commercials for "ED" the cool phrase for impotence showing these handsome older men in sweaters with the actractive wife giving her a lascivious gaze.



Creepy

What if they are taking both medications at once? Do they go spelunking with their 60 somthing friends then pop another pill, rush home to the Mrs. and put on some easy listening and cuddle?



Is this my future? 20 years from now is my darling husband going to be mountain climbing with his "buddies" and enlarged prostate? Will I be hiding in the minivan while he chases me down with his "erection that may last for more than 4 hours."



I guess I will have to check myself in 15-20 years to see if I feel the same way....



~T



"What most persons consider as virtue, after the age of 40 is simply a loss of energy."

Voltaire

Flying to close to the sun? AKA trying to recapture my youth....

Being in your late thirties, it is almost second nature or part of a woman's genetics to want to stretch out ones wings and feel cool again...

Following is the story of Icarus Thirtysomething and a night out with her friends...

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go to see Morrissey (ex singer from the 80's band The Smiths). I went with my husband's best friend Jack (HUGE fan), and his ex-hipster-ish friend Sam. All of us thirty somethings with spouses and children who lovingly allowed us to break free for an evening of fun.

Of course in preparation for my night, I decided to search the attic for my Smiths T-Shirt from my clubbing days (I used to be somewhat of a punk in college)...

Size MEDIUM? Ummm, ok lets give it a shot...ewwww...yeah that didn't quite work. Ok, lets try a funky dress.....ok, no I look a tad like John Travolta in drag from Hairspray... Ok, lets go with jeans and a black T-shirt, leave the crocs at home-that will do...not feeling as "hip" as I would like, but I am off to Boston....

So off we went, after debating bringing my husband's car, we decided to go with Jack's minivan since it had an "easypass" which would allow us to get through the tolls faster....feeling less hip by the minute. We pick up Sam, who is dressed ....how do I say this...like he was trying a bit too hard to fit in with the Morrissey crowd, but ok ok it will work...

The concert was great...interesting crowd. As I peered around the audience I noticed a lot of women in black T-shirts, jeans tapping their feet to the opening band, sipping on German beer nervously as if they would be discovered as suburban moms trying to recapture their youth, their size medium t-shirts tucked safely away in the past.

During the last song Sam and I were somewhat buzzed as we jumped up on our chairs and started playing air guitar (VERY UN-HIP), Jack also participated. I then did something rather daring considering I was with my husband's friends. I pulled out my emergency pack of cigarettes that I usually keep in my desk at work. We all chuckled with glee as if we were doing something truly decadent. So Sam had the suggestion that after the concert (it ended around 10 pm) to go to a hip urban restaurant which features a hookah bar. In my very un-hip form, I asked "is that legal?" (after all, Jack is a police officer). "Sure its legal, Kate Hudson went there when she was here a few years ago." EXCELLENT

So we went to the hookah bar for more cocktails and hookah (never quite figured out what hookah was). Sam mentioned my air guitar skills and invited Jack and I back to his loft to play Guitar Hero on Playstation...EXCELLENT. After struggling through a couple of rounds, Sam and Jack suggested picking a song in which I knew the basic rhythm of the song...ok ok. The pickins were a little slim but I finally found my song which I successfully got through to get to the next round.

My song....Strutter by Kiss, I had the album when I was about 7 (my brother belonged to Columbia record club)....Icarus's wings were now beginning to melt....long with my companions, Jack who was killing himself to keep his eyes open and Sam who was tending to his 6 month old daughter who we woke up while playing Guitar Hero.

We dragged our tired thirtysomething selves home and I plopped myself into bed wearing my XL Morrissey T-Shirt at 3am.

At 8am, I decided no amount of sleep would make me feel better after going to bed at 3am. I was looking at 3 days hard hangover time (why do hangovers last 3 days now?). Mike had a good chuckle at my early morning arrival time and XL t-shirt. He also asked me to check email, Jack sent a picture from his camera phone of the "Strutter" performance.

I look like a Sasquatch

I will end this blog with a Smiths Lyric ("What Difference Does it Make?"~Album~The Smiths)

So what difference does it make?
so what difference does it make?
it makes none, but now you have gone
and you must be looking very old tonight

.....

But no more apologies
no more apologies
I'm too tired, I'm so very tired
and I'm feeling very sick and ill today
but I'm still fond of you

~T