Friday, July 15, 2011

Solanum melongena and I love you

Good Morning my little aubergine friend. I want to thank you for the time you have been sharing with me this hot and sunny Summer.

Although your father and I decided long ago that we were done having children. We had moved from Apgar scores to Abecrombie in the blink of an eye. Yet the yearning to give it another go became too much and there you are. You adorable little guinea squash of ours.

I want to thank you for the pleasure you give as I go out to visit you and water you in the afternoon sun.

You have never asked for money or a ride to the mall. You have never flushed your cell phone down the toilet or in a fit of rage yelled the "f" word at your fellow Burpee Hybrids. You don't sneak off to friend's houses to dye your hair pink and then cry for 2 days when it turns a dull puce after swimming in your friend's pool. Never once, Baba Ganoush, have you dressed up our cat in American Girl doll clothes or demanded we start calling you Mrs Justin Beiber. I have never once seen your thong purposely sticking out of your yoga pants nor have I seen your butt hanging out of your Hollister cutoff micromini super short shorts.

My little Moussaka, you look solemn and studious yet I often wonder if when you grow bigger only to spend hours trying to hack into the cable box to unlock "Teen Mom" and "The Jersey Shore" all the while ignoring homework until minutes before school. Could you text FML (meaning " 'F' My Life) to your friends when I refuse to purchase a $150 extension for your hair? Will you change your status to "My MOM is a BEAST!!!" on Facebook?

I think not Eggplant....I think not.....

As you grow big and plump E.P. always know that you were wanted and your father and I love you. We enjoy your quiet nature and your positive disposition. Soon the time will come that we will be moving you out of your warm, earthy homestead and into our place. Be kind to your 2 sisters, for they know not what they do. Stay away from the puce haired one with the soggy phone and don't respond when the shorter one approaches you with lipstick, a cat and duct tape.

Love Mama Ratatoulle

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Marching on

March in New England can be a cold proposition. 2011 has been no exception. On the tailend of a particularly horrific winter, I find myself in the doldrums of being tired of those wool sweaters I unpacked with reckless abandon on September 1st (even though it was still 80 degrees.) Like a junky needing a fix...any sign of sunlight gives me the urge to wear a t-shirt outside regardless of temperature to soak up some much needed Vitamin D. I miss the ladybugs who plagued my house right up until Halloween.

This sets the scene of last weekend. Off to Plymouth to celebrate a family birthday with an overnight to an old inn overlooking the beach. No snow on the ground and the smell of salt in the air.
  • Did my kids need sunscreen?-no

  • Could we go in the water?-no

  • Was it as cold as any other day this Winter? yes
But there is something about the Atlantic when you are a New Englander

Is it the way you feel when you wake up to see frolicking seals getting their breakfast?

Or the sound of the Herring Gulls mocking my nephews as they chase them down the beach?

Could it be watching your kids play with their cousins on a jetty daring the waves to splash them?

...and then watching them get splashed

I think so.....the salt in our blood comes from the Atlantic. No matter how cold the water is, its calming force washes over our souls with warmth and comfort.

For some it's the North Shore, for some it's the South Shore. It could be The Harbor or The Bay. Before The Bridge or after The Bridge. Upper Cape or Lower Cape. For some its the view from a small island somewhere between.... It's always there.

"We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came."
~John F Kennedy

Friday, February 25, 2011

Is it Time?

Having crossed over.... I:

Take prilosec every day since my insides are too lazy to process anything important like yogurt or something more complex like....water

No longer get acne (hell it's only taken howwwww many years?)

Tweet (if Demi Moore can do can I)

Drink Vodka...well to give the prilosec something really interesting to work on.

Am losing my inner monologue...but only in bed

Say "what the hell is that?" in most situations (noises, cars driving by, see above, reviewing report cards, designer dogs)

Am finding it more appropriate to lust after older gentlemen....I find myself saying "you know...that Robert Duvall is still quite attractive"

Can no longer "suck" anything in (other than perhaps a shot of Patron) and rely on outside forces also known as spanx

Say things like "she should be grounded" "what is she wearing" "where are her parents?" "she should be wearing a bra you know"...sometimes at the TV...sometimes at Hollister

No longer pay attention to ANYTHING...including this conference call