Friday, September 5, 2008

Yes I am

So I was re-reading a blog from last year, V is for Victory, where I begin my yearly debate on how involved I need to or want to be in regards to school, soccer and the other childhood events for Cat and Cal.

Last year, I volunteered for nothing. I sat back and relaxed and outside of the occassional "hey do you need me to steal some post it notes from work?", I enjoyed life as a hands off mom....sort of.

This year, at the slight urging of my oldest child, I agreed to assist coaching her soccer team. At the slight urging of my friend Tanya, I agreed to teach church school. At the slight urging of a 8x10 yellow sheet from my children's school I signed up for yearbook committee, 5th grade celebration and night of the arts at the school.

At the severe urging of my nervous system I woke up the other night sweating trying to figure out not only why I did this but how was I going to do this.

This week, I set off on my adventure of assistant coach. Guess what? It was a lot of fun, I was less stressed about coaching than about actually having to sit back and watch them practice.

Then I got a notice from Tanya. Church School starts next week, pick up your materials and be at the Open House on Sunday. Again, after a slight meltdown, I picked up the materials, went through them and thought...this is going to be easier than last year...but I couldn't put my finger on why.

What was happening here.

Then I realized it, I am a complete and utter control freak. I mean, I have been told by many people in my life (friends, co-workers, children, police officers, therapists, ministers, teachers, spouse...) that I am one. But until I sat back (after brushing my 7 year old's teeth for her and laying out my 10 year old's clothes for school) and thought about why volunteering (taking complete control) felt so good to me. I am a control freak through and through. It was more stressful to sit back and watch others coach my kids, plan events at the school etc... than to actually TAKE CHARGE myself.

So for those of you in my life reading this....I apologize....and admit....yes.....I need to dominate and control every aspect of not only my life...but yours as well.



1 comment:

Kris said...

Glad to hear want control? You got it?!

No wonder you & I are friends....You are a control freak and I am lazy!!